Looking For You

I knew you would be interesting and would not look like me so I looked for you in expatriate parties in marbled homes in conflict zones with red wine party stains on white couches juxtaposed with mentally ill youth rolling around in trash on the street. It made me nauseous, to be so comfortable while most others lived on $1 per day. In the Global South of the Non-alignment movement, I worked and tried to make a difference while you did the same in an institution I hated in my tie-dye protesting days. How could you wear military fatigues and make a difference? I would not look for you, on military bases which were for Salsa dancing and not dating. I looked for you online, like I was shopping for pants, but nothing ever fit right. I looked for you in intellectual circles in Washington DC but nobody was nice! And then one day I was in the sweaty summer suburbia of NYC and you exercised behind me, in front of me and around me. You told me you wore military fatigues, you killed no one and how dare I ask that?! You were hot and stoic and looked at me but could not look at me long. And then one day you looked at me like no one had ever looked at me before and I felt wild- but also calm and acceptance. It was perfume commercial.

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Lara Price, LCSW, MSFS, has supported and coordinated with the veteran community in conflict zones and in the US as a psychiatric social worker.  She is passionate about dance, creative writing and international affairs.